Six misguided youths ready to extort candy from their neighbors.

Why am I behind on my grading? Why am I not prepared for class? Why do I have bags under my eyes? Because it is almost Halloween and my kids need help with their costumes! Every time I pull out a folder full of assignments to grade, or I stretch and say, “Well, I guess it’s time for bed,” someone needs help with a costume.

How can I resist, when my 15-year-old says, “Dad, how do I paper mache these Maleficent horns?” or “How am I going to attach these horns to my head?”

“Honey, do you think I need to make a mask for Bethany’s bird costume?”

“Dad, could you draw the dark-mark on my forearm?”

No! I’m Mr. Arts Fartsy and I don’t have time for your creative projects now!

So let the record state: Those horns growing out of my eldest daughter’s head — those would be hanging down like puppy dog ears if not for the paper mache and duct tape engineering skills of the old man. And you can give me credit for the cute birdy mask on the six-year-old and the sharpie dark-mark tattoo on Bellatrix Lestrange.

Those be some nice horns lady.

And I made the duct tape corset on Mrs. Lestrange too! How many fathers can boast of making a duct tape corset complete with faux duct tape lacing? Not many, I think.

Bellatrix Lestrange models a handmade corset by designer Eduardo Roberto Hale

This is the forearm of my fine Christian daughter, displaying the “dark mark” tattoo, by which evil witches summon the Dark lord.

So, Halloween is over now. Can you all just let me get back to work?

Oh yeah, Mom made those bird wings and the intricate blouse on Bellatrix. So I guess she deservers some acknowledgement too. And I suppose I could give some credit to the kids for having the audacity to dream… of complicated costumes.