Artist's rendering of the alleged crime scene.

Yesterday, Helen, Lydia and I planted sunflower seeds in little starter containers because none of the sunflower seeds we planted in the ground ever came up. I left the little containers on our picnic table to germinate and turn into big, healthy sunflower sprouts.

This morning, I found the little containers on their sides, dirt spread around, and sunflower seed shells strewn about. I did not witness the crime, but I knew right away who was responsible. Squirrels are such jerks!

As if that were not bad enough…

Once, last year I had another negative squirrel experience. We often had several monarch chrysalises hanging from a stick in our house. One morning, a butterfly emerged and was hanging from the stick drying his wings. I put the jar holding the stick out on our picnic table so the butterfly could fly away whenever he was ready. But, before, the innocent butterfly could take his first flight, a squirrel came along and ate the butterfly and two chrysalises! There is no question who committed the crime, as my children caught the culprit in the act.

Carniverous rodent of death.

Now this is a family blog, so I cannot discuss the thoughts that went through my mind when, on my returning home from work, I learned of the crime. I will just say I know now why old men work so hard to keep squirrels out of their bird feeders (and some trap squirrels in live traps and deport them to parts unknown). I am becoming such an old man.

Proposed consequence for eating butterflies.

Note: The killing of squirrels is not condoned by this blog or its authors. However fantasizing about killing squirrels is encouraged as a great reliever of stress.