Artist's rendering of the alleged crime scene.
Yesterday, Helen, Lydia and I planted sunflower seeds in little starter containers because none of the sunflower seeds we planted in the ground ever came up. I left the little containers on our picnic table to germinate and turn into big, healthy sunflower sprouts.
This morning, I found the little containers on their sides, dirt spread around, and sunflower seed shells strewn about. I did not witness the crime, but I knew right away who was responsible. Squirrels are such jerks!
As if that were not bad enough…
Once, last year I had another negative squirrel experience. We often had several monarch chrysalises hanging from a stick in our house. One morning, a butterfly emerged and was hanging from the stick drying his wings. I put the jar holding the stick out on our picnic table so the butterfly could fly away whenever he was ready. But, before, the innocent butterfly could take his first flight, a squirrel came along and ate the butterfly and two chrysalises! There is no question who committed the crime, as my children caught the culprit in the act.
Carniverous rodent of death.
Now this is a family blog, so I cannot discuss the thoughts that went through my mind when, on my returning home from work, I learned of the crime. I will just say I know now why old men work so hard to keep squirrels out of their bird feeders (and some trap squirrels in live traps and deport them to parts unknown). I am becoming such an old man.
Proposed consequence for eating butterflies.
Note: The killing of squirrels is not condoned by this blog or its authors. However fantasizing about killing squirrels is encouraged as a great reliever of stress.
Just for the record, it was your wife who discovered the criminal committing his crime of murdering said innocent butterfly. I approve and agree with all noted above! Death to the squirrels (especially those residing on Denton St.)
Will the squirrel be given a chance to respond?
I’m sorry, but the Denton Street Court is the old fashioned kind of court where a suspect is presumed guilty until proven innocent. In fact the Denton Street Court believes in “guilt by association” and even guilt by species relationship. (Just face it, Joanne. They are all up to no good, those squirrels!)
lol
We never really had squirrels in Ephrata so they were always a fond childhood memory of home. Imagine my delight when we saw our first squirrel here last summer.
I never witnessed the black hearted evil you described. Now I know what horrible creatures they are. Is Ephrata the destination for your trap and release program?
Yes, Mrs. Maedke, Ephrata, Washington is just about far enough away from Harlingen Square to deport the squirrels. But I was thinking about maybe dropping them into Condor nests in the Grand Canyon. Or maybe dropping them in Antarctica — Yeah, Antarctica would be nice. Maybe the squirrel in your neighborhood is part of a deportation program somewhere on the East Coast.